You are a friend if you (check all that apply):
__ Make me laugh
__ Laugh at and/or with me
__ Teach me something new
__ Back me up when I deserve it
__ Tell me when I don't deserve it
__ Tell me I'm a good cook, even though I'm not
__ Call me when you know I'm lonely
__ Leave me alone when you know I'm not lonely
__ Fed me when I was hungry
__ Called me "Clemmy"
__ Called me "Higgy"
__ Called me "dumbass"
__ Root for the Hawkeyes
__ Root against the Huskers
__ Know my "breakdancing" name
__ Have seen me with lots of hair, parted down the middle
__ Have seen me at my best. And my worst. And still acknowledge me.
__ You like me, you really like me!
Total up your points. (0 = You're not my friend), (1 and greater = You're my friend, and you rock, and thank you).
Good night. Tip your wait staff. Try the veal. I'll be here through next Tuesday.